


A Final Goodbye

by orphan_account



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-27 16:04:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20410513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: I wonder how you will appear when you come here. I wonder if you will have your wrinkles and grey hair. Your broken expression and your labored breathing. Or will you come young and scarred, that face I fell in love with?That is what I hate you most for. I sit here and see you grow old, your scars slowly slip out of sight. Your eyes grow more and more distant. I see you grow old, while I remain in perpetual perfection. Never a wrinkle. Never a blemish. I see you through a second pair of eyes. I hate that I never got to see you grow old with my own.





	A Final Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Hey. This is the first work I have ever posted. I don't really know what else to say. Thanks for reading.

Jon,

I know you will never read this. I will make sure you will never read this. You will join me here someday, but you will never read this. Of everything that has ever happened to me, I have never been surer of anything. 

I always loved the way your eyes brightened when I said your name. The way your face relaxed, and how no matter the time you smiled, just a little bit. I loved how your name hit your listening ears the entire day, how after hours, your ears would grow dull. But every time I said it, it was different. I could see your world brighten, just a little, every time. And how I could feel my entire life being lifted a little out of the darkness. 

I hope you don’t join me here for a long time. I need time away from you. Even after all these years. I can’t see you soon. I know I’ll have to. But I just can’t. I hate you. I hate myself for hating you. But I can’t help it. I hate everything you took from me. You will never understand what I lost to you. You took my chance to be with you. You took you from me. 

I wonder how you will appear when you come here. I wonder if you will have your wrinkles and grey hair. Your broken expression and your labored breathing. Or will you come young and scarred, that face I fell in love with? 

That is what I hate you most for. I sit here and see you grow old, your scars slowly slip out of sight. Your eyes grow more and more distant. I see you grow old, while I stay in perpetual perfection. Never a wrinkle. Never a blemish. I see you through a second pair of eyes. I hate that I never got to see you grow old with my own. 

It is dark here. The light doesn’t show. Only fire. Fire dancing in the darkness. I see everyone. You can see everyone you knew in life. I see so many faces. It terrified me when I first saw them. There are so many of them here. I don’t even see my father. I don’t see the man I never met. I barely see my mother and brother. Their faces are never fully in the light.

When I arrived in the darkness, in the fire, all I could see was you. All I could see was you crying, and me gone from your arms, you next to a molten throne, a puddle of blood. I tried to come back to you. I tried fighting. I kicked and screamed all through tears trying to find my way back to you. I couldn’t find a way out. All I could see was the fire. And all of a sudden Missandei’s warm arms were embracing me and I stopped fighting. I cried into her arms for the longest time. A defeated tortured sob. One that you mirrored in your chains. One that you continued even after Grey Worm had dragged you to your cell. I don’t know how long I cried. I don’t know if I’ve ever really stopped.

I talked to Ygritte once. I couldn’t see her face, but I had to talk to her. I went and found her, and I could feel her bittersweet smile radiating out. I asked her what you were thinking. Maybe she knew you better than I did. She didn’t. I learned of your first love. I learned of your time in the cave. I told her all of our brief yet beautiful romance. I told her of our love. How you killed me. She smiled sadly and said she died in your arms as well. She then told me that no matter what occurred you still knew nothing. I smiled gently at that. The first time I had in a long time. 

I wish so much I could help you when I see your mind joining me here bit by bit. I can hear your voice here, you know. Calling out. When I first arrived here it was all I heard. I searched and searched and searched for you. I looked everywhere I could. No one else could hear you. Not even Ygritte. Missadei would comfort me as I cried, as your voice slowly killed me after death. I never found you. I think a bit of you was left here. When you died the first time. When you killed me. I think my spirit took a piece of yours when it came here. And now all I can hear is your spirit trying to find the pieces it lost. I just want the pieces to return to you. To leave me. Maybe then the glimmer in your eyes that was lost would be returned. Maybe you would smile, laugh. Maybe I could see that. 

I know I said I hate you. I do. But I love you. I will always love you. I understand why you killed me. I look back and see everything that happened that day. I remember all the lives that I took that day. All for a dream that blinded me. That day… I broke. Everyone broke me. Everyone who is with me now. Missadei. Jorah. My Khalasar. My Unsullied. Rhaegal. Viserion. Everyone I lost to the War in the North. Everyone I lost to my own war. I watched all the people I loved die. I watched some of them rise up again and try to kill me. I was afraid. And the fear blinded me. I felt nothing as I watched the walls of the Red Keep fall and kill people I didn’t even know. I know I had to die. But now I have to see you slowly break because of what you did to me. And that is a worse torture than anything else could be. 

When you killed me, I want you to know I wasn’t scared. When I felt the cold steel inside my heart, I wasn’t afraid. Not for me. I wasn’t scared for the people I was leaving behind. Not of leaving what I had won. I was scared of the look in your eyes. I was scared of your shaking sobs and your tormented eyes. I was scared of existing without you. I was scared that the person who killed me was the only man I had ever truly loved. I wanted to reach out. I wanted to hold you in my arms and tell you everything was going to be okay. I wanted to tell you that the darkness overcoming me was warm and embracing and comfortable. I wanted to tell you that even after everything, even after all of it, I still loved you. But I couldn’t lift my arms. I couldn’t breathe. And the darkness took me from you. 

I understand why you killed me. I understand I needed to die. I know I needed to. But you took everything from me. I lost you. You were the only thing I had left. You took yourself from me. You took my chance to gaze into your eyes with a pair of my own. But no matter what, I want you to know, more than anything, I love you. Nothing you could ever do could end that. I have always, and will always love you. 

And when you do join me here, I’ll be here for you. When you find the darkness, and when you cry, I’ll be the warm pair of arms to find you. And maybe then we can have our lives together. Maybe then we can move on. Maybe then you will smile again. Maybe those grey eyes will brighten again, maybe that beautiful smile will lift all the weight of my shoulders. I will wait here for you. For a lifetime or for an eternity. When you come here, I will be here with open arms, waiting once again to see that smile again. 

Love,  
Dany

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's kind of weird, and really far fetched, but this has been in my mind for a really long time. Thank you so much for reading.


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